KFS Magazine

Alternative Sex, Culture and Literature

Sex Machines !

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At our Chardmore Society parties, people love the sex machines. Women love to try out the Sybian, the Motorbunny and various types of f-machine. They often feel a bit nervous at first until one is daring enough to try – then they see the effect and line up for a turn…

I bought most of this stuff from my favourite specialists, sexmachines.co.uk

They have every possible type of sex machine you can imagine, from the big ones you need to pack away in the loft or garage when the kids are around, to discreet little ones. There’s even one that is cunningly disguised as a small toolbox

The Sybian is pretty much the Rolls Royce of sex machines. The Cowgirl is similar. The Love Rider needs no electricity and in controlled by the woman herself. There’s even one called the Gangbang, which can serve four women at once – that’s what you call a hen party…

There’s a Bondage Love Machine, on which you can be restrained. And that reminds me – of course these machines can be used on men as well. Dominant women take note!

There’s even a dual penetration sex machine. You don’t need me to explain that one, do you…

At the moment, there’s £200 off the Caesar Love Machine, which comes with all kinds of extras – even a smartphone holder, for music while you cum. I kid you not. It’s reduced from £549 to £349 for  limited time

sexmachines.co.uk have a UK phone number for queries, free UK deliveries over £50 and you can even get interest-free credit with Klarna. 

To see the full range, go to sexmachines.co.uk 

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Doxy Die Cast 3R, the Rolls Royce of massagers…

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Do you remember the famous Hitachi Magic Wand? Launched in the USA in 1968, it was supposed to be for relieving muscular tension, but very soon became the world’s most famous sex toy. Women discovered that they were far better than any man for powerful orgasms any time you like and bought them by the truckload all over the world. Now, you can buy similar “massagers” in hundreds of different designs and very shape and size you can imagine. There’s even one shaped like the rubber duck in your bath. Most are plastic, made in China. Millions of women have tried several of them, with varying results

The Doxy is different. For a start, it is made in Cornwall, England, using parts sourced from around Cornwall. Yes, Cornwall. If you need to claim on your guarantee, if you fancy adding an attachment or if you have a query, you won’t have to go to China

Click on the photo to order your Doxy

Doxy massagers are very powerful and very well made; they are far superior to the cheap Chinese products. I have had a couple of them for years and they are very popular at my Chardmore Society play parties.

Now, although the Doxy is powerful, it is totally adjustable, so you don’t have to use it at full strength if you don’t want to;. Sometimes, less is more – but the power is there when you feel the need. That’s why the Doxy was originally mains powered – so the full oomph is available when you want it. However, advanced technology now means you can also get a rechargeable Doxy and mine has arrived…

Click on the photo to order your Doxy

The top of the range is the Doxy Die Cast 3R. It is rechargeable and forget crappy plastic – this is made from die cast metal. The people at Doxy have sent me one in metallic electric blue. It looks fabulous. (You can choose matte black if you must.) The Doxy even comes in a silver metal storage tube – how cool is that!

Click on the photo to order your Doxy

Your Doxy Die Cast 3R can be fully charged in just four hours, using the USB cable provided. When the red light on the power button disappears, you’re ready to go for up to one hour at the highest setting. (Just keep it away from the bath; the Doxy is not waterproof.) You can experience a gentle 3,000 rpm speed or go right to to a powerful 9,000. Or just hold down the power button for three seconds for an exciting pulse setting. Do you know a man who can do this? Didn’t think so…

Click on the photo to order your Doxy

The Doxy Die Cast 3R is not cheap – it’s £147.99. However, you can spread the cost, making only 3 easy payments of £49.33. There is no charge for the credit , which is a no-brainer, surely. Just choose the ‘Klarna’ option when you check out. Buy yours here

So, whether you’re off to one of the big weekends in Berlin, London or As well as the vibrator itself, there are several extra attachments. I have the rabbit and clitoral stimulator for women and there’s also a prostate stimulator and masturbator sleeve for men. Find them all on the Doxy website here

The mains powered Doxy is still available, in plastic or metal in two sizes and some cool colours, from only £89.99

Click on the photo to order your Doxy
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Formal Fetish Dinner Party in a Fabulous West End Hotel

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The last Formal Fetish Dinner was on Sunday March 8th – the next one will be scheduled as soon as the lockdown is over.

Let us know if you would like to be on the mailing list: email to chardmoresociety@icloud.com

Here are all the details…

Reservations close one week before each dinner and this event is a sellout, so do book early.

This is the ultimate exclusive fetish party – a formal dinner at a really special hotel, moments from Piccadilly Circus. With a dungeon.

 You can stay overnight if you want to really make it a night to remember. There is nothing else quite like this. Here are the details…

Did you see the documentary on BBC TV on the opening of London’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Hotel?  This is a special place, aimed at rock stars and celebrities, located a short walk from Piccadilly Circus, with a super restaurant, a dungeon cinema and seriously cool bedrooms. Well, that’s where we are having our party.

So what exactly happens? This is a formal fetish dinner, so you must dress in your finest fetish outfit. No business suits and little black dresses here! The setting is fabulous – just look at the photos – so this is a chance to wear your finest rubber, leather, uniforms, pirate outfits, whatever! Bring your slave on a leash, chain them to their chair; you know what to do!

We all meet in the bar for cocktails at 6pm. Dinner is served at 7pm. The fully equipped cinema/dungeon is just a few steps from the dining room and will be open for play from 6pm. You can play between courses, punish your sub if they don’t eat up all their pudding and continue after dinner. The bar stays open until 1am. So does the hot tub on the roof terrace – yes there’s even a hot tub! Only 5 guests at a time in the hot tub please (!) If you have not booked a bedroom, they will charge you £20 for a towel.

Dinner at the Rock ‘n’ Roll hotel includes a starter, main course and pudding – all have a veggie option. Special requests, such as gluten-free are no problem – Just let us know well in advance. Dinner includes a bottle of red or white house wine per two people and costs only £175 per COUPLE, including service and VAT. Other drinks and cocktails are of course available at the bar. (That’s way under normal price for an upmarket hotel like this in the heart of London, because we ask you to choose from the menu a week or so before the party.)

Bookings close a week before each dinner

Why not treat yourself or your partner and stay overnight. There’s a selection of rooms and suites available at different prices and they include a continental breakfast. Booking through us is usually cheaper than booking directly with the hotel.

To book tickets for dinner or bedrooms, go here

To see the menu from last time, go here

Questions? Call Tim on +44 7941 506 922 or email to chardmoresociety@icloud.com

Add a bedroom?

You can really make an occasion of it and book a bedroom if you like. On the booking link above, you will see which bedrooms are currently available.

Note – the bedrooms don’t include dinner, so please book bedrooms and dinner separately

Bedrooms sell out long before the party, so do book ASAP.

To book tickets for dinner or bedrooms, go here

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What Happens at the Play Parties?

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The Chardmore Society Play Parties take place in an old vicarage in Sutton, South London, currently on Thursday evenings and Friday afternoons. We are a friendly little group – many of us know each other socially, outside of the parties. Newcomers always find us very friendly and they quickly feel relaxed. There is definitely not a hardcore atmosphere and there is never any pressure to play. So what exactly does happen at these parties?

When you arrive, one of us (usually me) will show you around the vicarage and introduce you to a few people. There’s a kitchen, where you can store any booze you have brought along. (We don’t sell drink, so please bring your own.) You can also make tea and coffee – we do provide that! There will usually be people socialising in the kitchen, just as they do at any party. 

Then we will show you to a big lounge, where people sit and chat. There will be a suitable DVD playing, but no loud music. A hallmark of The Chardmore Society is that you can chat without having to raise your voice. You can actually meet and make friends with people.

There is a dungeon, with quite a lot of BDSM equipment, including a whipping bench, cage and St Andrews Cross, etc. Soft atmospheric music plays. You can practise bondage, spank your slave, put them on the cross or in the cage. If you need it, help and advice is available from us. Otherwise, we are happy to leave you alone.

These play parties are open to all sexualities, submissive or dominant, male or female, straight, bi or gay. We are a very mixed bunch and we like it that way. Expect around 20 people.

Then there are four other rooms, which would originally have been bedrooms. I usually put some item of BDSM equipment into these rooms. My favourite is the motorbunny, which is like a superior version of the sybian. Women love the motorbunny; you can see it here https://kfsmagazine.com/motorbunny/  If you bring a smartphone, you can download the free app and find the right rhythm to send your partner into ecstasy.

There’s also a changing room. These parties have no particular dress code. You can come as you are, by all means. Having said that, quite a few people like to change into a fetish outfit, which I encourage. It’s fine if you like to dress up, undress or cross-dress. T-girls are welcome, as are dominatrixes, adult schoolgirls with their hair in bunches – whatever you like. There’s a shower that you are welcome to use and plenty of clean towels. Just in case you get a bit sweaty…

You can wander around the rooms, chat with other couples or singles, just generally hang out. You may want to play with people you meet, but that’s up to you – there is no obligation to do anything at all with anyone. Just relax and have fun.

What else? Well, there are rules…

* No smoking or vaping in the building, of course.

* No drugs of any kind at all – don’t even think about it. 

* No photography. (The photos here were taken at the vicarage, but after the party had finished) 

* If you want to play with someone, feel free to ask politely but, if they decline, no means no. 

* If you are playing in one of the rooms, don’t lock the door. Someone might like to come in and then it’s up to you to wave them away, or allow them to watch, or even invite them to join in if you like. Your choice.

If you would like to go onto my “Chardmore Society” party mailing list, or if you have any questions. just email me at  chardmoresociety@icloud.com

Tim Woodward

  • Danni & Tim
  • Danni Having Fun
  • Ava
  • Bella with subs
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The Black Mans Fan Club

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The Black Man’s Fan Club

White women who love to be used by black men. White husbands who love to watch. What’s this all about? 

Tim Woodward had no idea, but reports from the front line…

I’d never even heard of anything like this until one day my friend Charlotte asked me to go with her to a club, just to keep her company and see that she was all right. Now, I’m fond of Charlotte and I know that she is hardly a wilting violet. In fact, Charlotte is rather more familiar than most with alternative sexual behaviour and – if we are being frank – this is based on a decade or two of enthusiastically gathered experience. So I wondered just exactly what kind of club it was that could possibly make a woman like her nervous. 

Black men. Now what is the fetish for white women having sex with black guys all about? Well, all right, apart from the obvious. Is it based on the thrill of flouting some ancient social taboo? There’s a doctoral thesis or two there, but I propose to gloss over all that here, on the grounds that it’s boring and I want to cut to the chase. As did Charlotte, for she had taken me to The Black Man’s Fan Club. 

Around half of the people at the club were white. They were mostly couples, more or less middle class and pretty obviously married. They were ordinary folk, chatting about schools and holidays, the kids at university, traffic on the M4, that sort of thing. The only thing you’d remark on was that the women were dressed in outfits their kids would have no idea their Mums owned. The short frocks and high heels were presumably kept hidden away at home. The white husbands looked pretty ordinary.

The other half of the people in the club were black. All men, all on their own. They hadn’t brought their partners with them. Funny, that. The black guys were a friendly and relaxed bunch. The atmosphere was cool and the evening began to take shape. I discovered later that the organiser, a charming woman called Helen, policed everything carefully. These guys had to be members; they could not just turn up at the door. This worked well; Helen had put together an atmosphere that was sufficiently sexually charged – but not at all pressurised and very welcoming to newcomers like us.

The purpose of the club was to allow the white couples to interact with the black guys in this pleasant atmosphere. After a glass or three of Pinot Grigio, the women began to interact with mounting (sorry) enthusiasm and we watched to see how it all worked…

The women had their fun, without having to sneak off behind their husbands’ backs. The husbands mostly stayed chatting at the bar while their wives went off to play, although some accompanied their wives, watching or sometimes joining in. The thrill of being cuckolded was obviously a big attraction for many of these husbands – and without the danger of the wives having affairs of the heart.  As for the wives, they had a great time, believe me. (I felt it my duty to observe closely, you understand.) You just knew they would be driving home afterwards in their Vauxhalls and enjoying the horny stories together.

You could see them thinking… Kids off to uni, still in love with husband, but he’s getting a bit older and not the dynamic lover he was. But look in the mirror – I still look pretty good in a short dress. Time for fun before I collect my pension. Here’s fun all right and no danger of romantic entanglement – in fact hubby absolutely loves it. Result!

My favourite was a lovely woman in her late forties, good humoured and well spoken. She mentioned that she was a Bank Manager. Later on, I wandered off around the club and spotted her in a dark corner, enthusiastically obliging several young, good looking black lads. At the same time. Some time later, she appeared back at the bar, smoothing her dress, and re-joining her husband for another white wine, chatting about the government and the weather. Twenty minutes later, there she was again, in a side room with a couple of other guys, this time with her husband present, watching happily. 

Meantime, Charlotte was chatting with a handsome black man and I could see that they liked each other. As they wandered off to a side room, she caught my sleeve to indicate that she wanted me to come too. Never one to disoblige a friend, I tagged along, not too sure exactly what my function was supposed to be. Charlotte quickly discovered that what they say about black men was certainly true in this case and soon she was a very happy bunny indeed.

Later, as I dropped her off at home, I asked what she had made of it all. Had she had fun? All she said was “Can we go again next month!” and that’s exactly what we did.  It was all such fun that I wondered on what basis I might continue going, as Charlotte didn’t really need looking after any more. Could you approach it as a guy who is not into being cuckolded? After some thought, it turned that yes, by all means you can.

The way I found to enjoy this stuff was to do it an an SM context Now, anyone with any real understanding of SM will understand that the dominant partner is there to please the submissive. The trick is to find out exactly what the sub is longing to be “forced” to do and then “force” them to do it. After some research, I found that quite a few women are very turned on by the thought of being taken to a safe and secure environment, to be used by handsome and hung young black guys, under the care of a responsible and caring dominant. Enter Diane…

Diane is a tall, cool blonde with a professional career, teenage kids, and a penchant for giving up control now and then and being told what do to. From the start, she is instructed to wear her highest heels. Having very long legs, she looks stunning – and feels deliciously vulnerable. Diane is not allowed underwear for this, so she feels vulnerable as soon as she sneaks out of the house, her long coat concealing her shortest dress. 

At The Black Man’s Fan Club, Diane is bent over a whipping bench and spanked until she is nicely warmed up. She drifts away into an abandoned state; I love to see her like that. By this time, several black guys have gathered round to watch. Ken is young enough to be Diane’s son, handsome, fit, a nice guy and seriously equipped. I invite Ken and a mate to use her. I supervise closely, taking great care of her. 

Afterwards, Diane is a very happy woman. If you like a bit of role play, you can approach the BMFC as a “hotwife” and her cuckold or as a dom and his sub. Having said all that, though, you don’t really need any pre-set agenda at all; you can just go and have fun. 

Why black men? As I said, I don’t agonise about this. There are many flavours of sexuality. Some of us are gay, some of us are straight, some like to be spanked or dress up in rubber and some of us like red hair and glasses… or is that last one just me? Maybe it’s because black men are said to be well hung. Maybe generations of racism have created a taboo that’s exciting to break. Theorise as you will, but Charlotte and Diane don’t worry about that and neither do Ken and his friends. 

The Black Man’s Fan Club is at www.blackmansfanclub.co.uk 

This article was originally published in KFS Magazine issue 1, available at www.kfsmedia.com

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Hot Wax…. drip it on your partner…

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One of the most erotic pleasures you can give your partner involves hot wax. Hot – but not too hot. On their naked body. Dripped onto them, drop by drop. In pretty colours. It’s easy and it’s cheap – here’s how to do it…

First, put down an old towel or sheet, to catch any errant drops of wax. Then, get your partner naked – always a good start. If they enjoy the submissive role, you might like to restrain them. Consider blindfolding them. Depending on where exactly you plan to drop the wax, you might want to shave them – that’s erotic in itself.

Start off off with a few drips from high above your partner, so the wax cools down before it reaches them. Then, slowly bring the candle down nearer to them, so the wax is hotter and hotter. If you want to be mean, you can surprise them with some ice just when they are not expecting it…

You don’t need me to tell you on which parts of the body to drop hot wax, do you? Do keep it out of any open area, though, such as their mouth, for example. Make nice patterns using different colours. Each pack contains four candles: one each of black, red, purple and pink.

Don’t just get some candles at the local hardware store. There are various types of candle and they burn at different temperatures. The ones we like and sell are made from soy wax. They contain no additives such as UV inhibitors, Stearin, Vybar, UV Stabilisers, etc.

Beginners often buy paraffin wax candles, which melt at around 38 degrees, but this soon gets a bit boring! We sell our own soy wax candles, which melt around 54 degrees, so they are hotter when they drop onto the skin (which you can vary by adjusting the height) – which is rather more fun for BDSM…

Each pack contains 4 candles: black, red, purple and pink. Size: 10 cm x 2.5 cm. Weight: 52 g per candle / 208g per 4 candles

We sell these candles on our own store for only £7.99 per pack of four. We ship world-wide. To buy a pack and start having fun, go to https://www.kfsmedia.com/bdsm-equipment/hot-wax-/prod_185.html

To see everything else on our store, go to https://www.kfsmedia.com/

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The Motorbunny is Here!

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The Motorbunny is here – See and try it now

Running my friendly Chardmore Society BDSM parties, I’ve found that women really love the sybian. For those who don’t know, a woman sits on the sybian and controls the vibration and rotation, adjusting it just so until it’s exactly right for them and lift-off is achieved. Some women orgasm for ages, while their partners look on in wonder!

Other women say it’s a bit far out for them. Until they see (and hear) the results. Then they usually change their minds. Talk about ‘girls just want to have fun’….

Some couples come along to the parties just for the woman to take a ride ride on the sybian. I often thought it’s just a matter of time before someone came up with something better and more sophisticated. Well, now they have. The motorbunny is here and you can see it (and try it) at my parties. During the lockdown, parties are on hold, of course, but I will demonstrate within an hour’s drive of West London, or you can visit me with pleasure.

The thing I like about the motorbunny is that it is easier to control and more versatile than the sybian. The woman can control it herself with the wired remote – or there’s a bluetooth link, so her partner can control it from across the room with a smartphone. Or even from far away, which might give you some ideas. The app offers additional vibration and rotation settings, and you can use the app to let your partner control the machine, even when you are on the other side of the world!

* Super-powerful, high-quality motor delivers up to 7,000 vibrations per minute.

* Premium set includes seven attachments for versatile play. (Including one that is non-insertable)

* Features deep grips and weighs less than 18lbs for easy manoeuvrability

* Includes two covers and a one-year manufacturers warranty

* 4 stainless steel eyelets let you attach handcuffs or other restraints 

You can see and try the motorbunny for yourself at my Chardmore Society parties. I can also demonstrate within an hour’s drive of West London, or you can visit me with pleasure.

I sell the Premium Set for £1,119. 00. Shipping in the UK is free of charge.

I can quote for shipping to other destinations – just ask.

Serious enquires to tim@kfsmedia.com

More details…

Choose your favourite attachment as you select one from the seven available. The TPE attachments include a low, rub-only style; a small dildo measuring 94mm tall; a medium-size measuring 133mm and a large sleeve to fit over the middle size, measuring 133mm. 

For something a bit more unusual (and offering extra stimulation!), the silicone attachments include a textured, rub-only design (ideal if you don’t want actual penetration); a 152mm dildo with a bulbous tip and clit-pleasing surface; and a rabbit-style, 152mm shaft with a front cradle for simultaneous G-spot and clitoral pleasure. Simply pick the one you want, plug in the machine and hop on! 

As you find the perfect position, use the Bunny Rest for additional support – or let your partner sit on it to hold you if you’re playing as a pair! 

For easy storage and manoeuvrability, the deep grips make the motorbunny comfortable to move around. This, combined with a weight of 8kg and measurements of 254mm high, 336mm wide and 317mm long, make your new sex machine the perfect pairing to your play. 

This premium set also includes two covers to keep your motorbunny protected.

Remote control, interchangeable attachments for tailored pleasure

Max insertable length 152mm

Weight 8kg 

Contents of package 1 x motorbunny, 2 x nylon covers, 1 x controller, 1 x bunny rest, 3 x TPE attachments, 3 x Silicone attachments, 2 x risers, 2 x stiff and 2 x springy support rods

Videos – https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=motorbunny

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Where to Get That Fetish Outfit

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The question I get asked the most is ”Where can I get a nice fetish outfit without spending a fortune?”

First, consider is whether you need to spend much at all. Most women have a pair of stockings and some high heels hidden away. Add a short skirt and a white shirt and you’re done. Maybe a shiny black raincoat and nothing else?

It’s the same for men. Ask your partner whether she likes a man in an evening suit. Don’t have one? They ave some nice ones at Marks & Spencer for under £200. Or try a charity shop – I got a great old evening suit secondhand for £50. Do you own biker leathers? What about an old uniform?

OK, so let’s say you are prepared to spend a bit of money – but not too much…

There are very few fetish clothing shops and most of us don’t live near one anyway. Realistically, you need to go online for a really decent selection to choose from. So, which of the hundreds of kinky clothing websites do you go to?

Sure, it’s cheap to buy from China, but when will you get it? What will it be like when it arrives? Can you return it? How long will that take? Is it really worth saving a little to take the risk? I don’t think so. So let’s look closer to home.

There are very many small and exclusive fetish fashion designers, especially in the UK, Germany and USA. These often do super work. However, they usually don’t have the financial backing to hold stock in all sizes and ship promptly. You often have to wait ages for them to buy the materials, make your order and send it. Then, what if it doesn’t fit? What if it just doesn’t look right when you try it on?

Having owned a well known fetish clothing business myself for a few years and run a retail store, I am pretty familiar with this. So, when people ask me to recommend a reliable place to shop for a fetish outfit, I know what to tell them…

Go for a firm that’s large enough to hold plenty of stock and ship fast, worldwide. A firm large enough to keep prices reasonable. They need to be well known and have a reputation for proper customer service.

How about a firm that has all this – and stocks both women’s and men’s clothing? Shoes to match, plus lingerie, bondage toys, even gloves!

I have known the people at Honour for many years. (Actually, I often drop in at the Honour shop near Waterloo station.)  They have just about everything you need. Plenty of stock, all sizes and not too expensive. So, for anything from a wetlook catsuit to fabulous stiletto heels, to lingerie, latex and sex toys, these are the people that I recommend.

Just click on the picture and explore. Dress up and have fun!

Tim Woodward

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BDSM Guidelines for Play

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BDSM Guidelines for Play

These are a few notes intended primarily for the submissive, who wants to play with a new partner and needs to feel safe. It might also be useful for the dom who wants to give their sub a great time, but would like a few tips.

Let’s say that you have met a new BDSM partner – or someone you hope will be a BDSM partner. If you like to take the submissive role, you want to make sure you will be safe. If you like the dominant role, you want to make sure your new sub knows that they will be safe with you. Here are a few suggestions, which I hope will help you avoid disappointment or disaster…

When meeting a new potential play partner, always meet in a public place, just for a chat. A noisy fetish club doesn’t count – even if you played a little there. You need to communicate properly. Don’t meet in a dingy pub down a dark alley at night. Meet in a quiet and well lit public place, in daytime. (Lunchtime is good, as it gives you a good excuse to leave if you need it.)

Make it clear that you won’t play on first meeting. If you feel you need to be careful, don’t give out your phone number yet. Use an anonymous form of contact, like kik. Otherwise, create a private email address just for this sort of thing.

If you then agree to play at a subsequent meeting, you need a form of contact that is not anonymous. Make sure you have each other’s phone number and email, so you have proper ID.

Subs must have a friend to act as a safe call for the first session at least. Tell the dom this. If they are not OK with it, walk away. Call your friend before you play and tell them the address. Tell them exactly when you will call again after you part company with the dom. If they don’t get your second call, they should alert the police. Never be embarrassed to call the police. If you need to do it, do it.

Before you play, your need to communicate frankly with each other. Sub and dom need to  have a good idea of what is going to work and what isn’t before you start a play session.

Subs please note – your dom is not a mind reader – they need to know what turns you on. So tell them. You might find it easier to do this by email, rather than face-to-face. Be honest and specific. Do you love being spanked? Have you always wanted to try rope bondage? Do you absolutely hate needles? What if the dom suddenly produces some sharp needles while you are restrained?!  Don’t hope your dom will guess these things – always tell them.

Send your dom a few ideas of your own – the sort of thing you would love to do. If it is practical and if your dom also also likes the idea it might happen. It might be fun.

Doms – interrogate the new sub. Get them to tell you freely about the stuff that thrills them – and the stuff that really turns them off. (They might even enjoy being interrogated.)

On the day, don’t worry if you try something and don’t like it much – that’s allowed. Share this with each other. Likewise, if something works really well for you, say so. Your partner will love to hear that.

Always agree and remember your safe words, which might be…

Green = I love this. More please!

Amber = No need to stop, but just take it easy.

Red = STOP!

Always play safe. Use latex gloves, lube, condoms, etc. Clean surfaces before and after a session with anti-bacterial spray or wipes. If you have any medical condition, or just a strong preference, always tell.

Remember that your agreement may well change according to the setting or circumstances. You might have one set of rules for your primary partner and another set for a casual play partner. You might have one set of rules for a discreet private scene and another set for public play at a party. So make sure you both understand any changes before a new scene.

OK, here are some specific questions for the dom to ask, or the sub to tell even if they are not asked …

Do you prefer total privacy, or are you OK to play in a semi-public setting, like a BDSM clubs or party?

What about involvement with other people – do you like your dom to offer you to other doms, or to have you play with other subs? If so, are you bisexual? To what extent?

BDSM does not necessarily mean that you have sex with your partner. Do you want to have sex with them? Or just blow jobs? What about anal sex? Make sure the dom knows this!

Do you like to be led around on a collar and leash?  Naked?

Bondage? Japanese rope bondage? Or leather straps?

Butt plugs, strap-ons, nipple clamps? Blindfolds?

Fucking machine? Sybian?

Electrics, TENS unit – what exactly?

Sub naked, while the dom is fully dressed?

If you are a female sub, do you like to be taken to special BBC clubs and given to selected fit young well hung black guys, while the dom looks on? (Just thought I’d ask…)

Watersports?

What are your fantasies? Some might be great left as fantasies – but others might be suitable to do for real. Tell your dom. It will give them an insight into you. You might find they share some of them. You might even find that they will act some of them out with you.

Staying Safe

I never do drugs, knives, needles, blood or unsafe sex. If your dom suggests any of that and you are not totally OK with it, walk away. If they drink alcohol before or during play, walk away. If rope bondage is involved, make sure that the dom has suitable scissors to hand for quick release if needed. If you just simply feel uncomfortable, walk away. Don’t feel you have to go through with something if it doesn’t feel right. You don’t.

As for breath restriction, inhaling gas, or anything even potentially dangerous, well, some things are best left as a fantasy…

All this might seem a bit boring. Maybe you think taking the spontaneity out of the thing will reduce the fun. Not so. When you know you are in safe hands, you can really let yourself go. If you like it rough, a good dom will be able to play-act convincingly, which will be much more fun than the real thing…

P.S. These tips are purely personal. They are based on decades of experience, but I bet you know something I don’t. Maybe you have a useful suggestion, or you spotted something I should add? If so, please email to tim@kfsmedia.com

Tim Woodward

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Safe Dogging

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I had often liked the idea of dogging. Going along to a dark car park in the woods, having sex with random strangers – there’s something deliciously rude about it.

Once, I even went to a secluded car park near the river in West London that was supposed to be a dogging spot. At least, that’s what I found on the web. I was full of anticipation. It was late at night and pretty dark. A car cruised in slowly and my girlfriend grabbed my arm. “That looks like a couple. What do you think? Is that a couple?” The car parked up. Two elderly gentlemen got out. They had big bags of something with them – what on earth was that? The two fellows went over to the riverbank, set up little chairs and started to fish. They were anglers, not doggers. We went home.

Much later, I was at Richmond BDSM, my local kink meet-up, for drinks at a pub near me. Catriona was amazed that I had never been dogging and offered to take me in hand. It was summertime and quite warm. A few days later, off we went to a car park in Surrey that Catriona knew. This was not new to her…

There were a few other cars already parked, with a couple or two and several single men. Just sitting in their cars, listening to the radio or reading a paper. It all perfectly innocent, unless you knew. I sensed an air of waiting for something hanging in the air.

Briefed by Catriona, I had brought condoms and a dogging blanket. This latter item is sold in hardware stores as a “picnic blanket” and it has a waterproof side that you put down on the ground, with a soft side that goes uppermost. They fold up into a handy roll, with handles, for carrying. Best not to ask for a “dogging blanket” in the shop.

We chatted by our car for a minute, so that Catriona’s miniskirt and my dogging blanket were not lost on the inhabitants of the nearby cars. Then we strolled slowly into the woods, pausing to make sure we were easy to follow. Sure enough, two men decided that was the very moment that they also fancied a stroll.

As soon as we found a fairly secluded spot, we spread our blanket and Catriona made sure that she looked suitably alluring. The two fellows approached, then paused at a polite distance. (I came to learn that this is correct dogging etiquette.)

I gave them a friendly wave and gestured towards Catriona, felling rather like a car salesman pointing out a nice convertible with low mileage, in a fetching shade of blue.

Catriona was enthusiastically“spit roasted” by the two guys, who went at it like two dogs at a particularly juicy bone, pausing only for a few moments after I warned of an elderly lady passing by with her spaniel. As soon as she had gone, play was resumed.

My first dogging trip was an experience and a success. All the same, the obvious downside is that you have absolutely no idea who is going to emerge from the woods. Maybe some nutters, maybe a rapist, some one out of his head on drugs – how do you know? So I left it as a one-off experience. Until, a year or two later, Gary and Emma asked whether I fancied joining them one sunny afternoon.

Now, Gary and Emma are friends, nice people and always up for fun. Emma wanted to try dogging and they needed someone to hold their hand. It would have been churlish to refuse. Off to the woods in Surrey again.

Emma is lovely and had no trouble at all attracting admirers. She entertained three guys in the woods while I kept watch, then paused for a rest before taking on another two. Great fun, although I had the same misgivings about safety.

My fears were amplified soon afterwards, when another couple attracted quite a crowd of random men one dark night. The woman was very obviously having a great time, but was her husband certain that condoms were being used by everyone? How did he know that there would be no trouble? I mean, this was a dark night in the woods. Again, how safe was all this? Hmmm, food for thought…

How to keep the excitement and yet make everything safe? Of course, that’s the very essence of safe, sane and consensual kinky sex. So I came up with a plan.

Safe dogging is when you assemble a crew of anything from three responsible people upwards. They don’t have to be close buddies, but you do need their names, email addresses and phone numbers. You need to trust them, so don’t go with anyone who only uses anonymous apps like kik. Know who they are.

It’s necessary to have couples and women, of course, but do also have a few single guys. The women like that, obviously.  (And there’s safety in numbers.)

Then, plan a scenario that works for the women. If they don’t have a great time, the evening will be a washout. Meet up at a designated time and place. Maybe do role-play. Men in hoods or masks? Bondage, gang bangs? Give the women a chance to fulfil their fantasies in what feels like an exciting situation (but is actually perfectly safe).

Always have at least one person on lookout duty. If someone comes along, a birdcall whistle is ideal to warn everyone discreetly. I use an “Acme” peewit whistle, available online, which works fine.

Don’t forget the condoms, lube and dogging blanket. Make sure everyone knows the limits. What does she like and – more importantly – what does she dislike? Know her limits and make sure everyone else knows. For example, if she doesn’t like it in the tradesman’s entrance, the guys need to know.

My own little group meets at a swinger club in West London, just so everyone knows everyone. Then, later that evening, everyone who feels inclined heads off to a secret location. If anyone wants to bail out, that’s fine. We call it “safe dogging” and it’s all the fun without the risk.  You know it makes sense.

For more information on my events, email to –

chardmoresociety@icloud.com

P.S.

I love this hilarious song about dogging…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXzaVOk_Ydk

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