This week I was lucky enough to entertain a both generous and wealthy client who asked me to feminise him. I was able to provide the necessary clothing, jewellery etc and having been a stylist/makeup artist in a former life I quite enjoy the challenge of transforming a burly trucker into Patricia the Stripper. However, I don’t have a ready supply of size nine fuck-me shoes, and so I informed said gent in advance that he would need to supply his own.
I also had my first occasion to audition something a bought a while ago, a ridiculously expensive but rather lovely strap on harness and dildo. I purchased these on a whim when I first came to London; I’d gone to the Sh! women’s sex shop in Hoxton for a class on pegging on the promise of free cupcakes and cava, and had fallen into the age-old mug trap of buying something completely unnecessary simply because you’ve bonded with the sales assistant over the joys of anal penetration. The whole shebang cost me over a hundred quid and has been sitting unopened in my top drawer like a sneering reminder of my gullibility. However, tonight Mr Fuck Me Shoes was the unknowing recipient of my strap-on virginity. Fun it was.
It’s not all been smut this week (I’ve done a fair bit of campaigning against benefit cuts for disabled people by this evil Tory government*) but it actually has mainly been smut.
Wearing my non-work hat, I helped serve drinks and canapes at a very upmarket cocktail party in Covent Garden for dominants and submissives. There was a strict dress (or un-dress) code; Doms were to wear black tie or cocktail dress and subs to wear lingerie (or for male subs, an “interesting jock strap”. If you know what one of those is, answers on a postcard please).
An old friend of mine asked me why on earth I’d spend four hours handing out Brie and cream crackers in my pants for no money, but the answer is because I thought it might be a hoot. The same old friend once described me as a hedonist, and in the past I thought nothing could be further from the truth – I was weighted with heavy responsibilities, and boy, did I take them seriously. But now I finally realise what he meant – there’s a lot of apples out there and this girl is going to take a bite out of every one.
*Before Peter Pedantic writes in to inform me that it’s actually a coalition government, to my mind the worst current atrocities (upholding laws that allow zillionaires to evade tax, the whilst relentlessly penalising those on benefits by forcing them to leave their homes and communities) are committed by the Tory contingent of the administration. The LDs are collaborators; I despise them too but in a completely different way.
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