Suckling at a woman’s breast is a natural, life-giving activity for a small child, as we know. For an adult, it can be a sexual pleasure, a fetish. I wanted to know how this is for someone who deeply enjoys lactation. So I spoke to Erica, who described her feelings. Here’s what she had to say…
T – The ignorant and childless person like me might imagine that lactation occurs in women, just after they have a baby. Milk comes from your breasts, the child drinks the milk and gets the nourishment it needs. Right? How does this become a sexual fetish? I mean what’s sexual about that? And how or why do you do it if you are not pregnant or have not just given birth?
E – I suppose you can fetishise anything. A study was done – I think it was by the Times, where married men were asked whether they had ever tasted breast milk. A high proportion – I think around forty per cent – said yes they had. Sometimes, when a woman orgasms, if she has been breast feeding, some breast milk will come out. This has only recently come to the fore and been sexualised or fetishised. It’s been hidden, but it’s always been something carried on between couples. I get a lot of guys saying that, after their partner had a baby, they had a drink of breast milk.
Many women are turned off by the thought of the man taking nourishment that should be going to their child. There’s no need to be though, because it’s a supply and demand thing. The more the demand is there, the more milk the woman will make. It’s not like they’re going to run out of milk.
T – So I understand that, when you have a child, you lactate and the child gets that nourishment. OK, so then your male parter might find that interesting. Maybe when you orgasm, you might leak a bit…
E – When you’re breast feeding you leak a bit anyway – that’s why you put things like breast pads inside your bra. It’s not something you can switch on and off. It’s there constantly.
T – When you have kids, you have to deal with all kinds of things, like dirty nappies, for example. But, as the kinds grow a bit, you’re quite glad that you don’t have to do that any more. Now, you have a child away at university, so certainly no need to lactate for her benefit. At what point do you do it it purely for your own pleasure?
E – A lot of women I’ve come into contact with, who are into lactation, do it just for themselves. It’s hard work. You need to be very motivated. Why do they do it? Well, why does anybody do anything of a sexual nature – it makes them feel good. Some people like to produce lots and lots of milk. Others like to be suckled and are not really bothered whether there’s any milk there at all. Men can get obsessed with the milk and fetishise that. Women, though, are often looking for someone who regularly suckles at their breast.
There’s some informative stuff on youtube. One adoptive lesbian parent in Australia wanted to feed her baby and, although she had never been pregnant, she went through all the rituals to stimulate milk and was able to do it. She breast fed along with her partner who had actually given birth. It was only droplets, but still she was able to do it.
Lots of women lactate because it feels good. It feels amazing. Men think it’s something you can turn on and off like a tap, but It is difficult and it does take a toll on your body. If you do manage to lactate, then maintaining it is another story. Being a supply-and-demand thing, if the demand is not there, the supply will dry up.
If you start and don’t continue, then you can open yourself up to adverse effects.
Men have no idea about this. Men often want something casual, but I find that repulsive. It’s an incredibly intimate thing, with another human being ingesting something hat comes from you.
T – In my ignorance, I would have guessed that, in order to lactate, you need to be pregnant or to have a child. But in fact any woman, more or less, can lactate?
E – Or man. If you have breasts, you can lactate.
T – Even me? Good grief – I had no idea!
E – It’s an emotional response. People seem to think that it’s just a physical response. It’s not. It’s an emotional response to stimulation. It takes real dedication though. You have to know that anything that the person lactating ingests can be passed on through the milk. You can catch something serious via the milk.
T – So you, with your daughter long since grown up and no longer any need to lactate for her, would love to lactate on a a regular basis with someone with whom you are in a meaningful relationship?
E – Yes. It’s very difficult. Men will say yes they are into lactation and you ask what they know, only to find that they know nothing. With the internet at their fingertips… It’s quite easy to look this up on the web.
They are just looking for someone to have a little suckle and see whether they like it. A lot of guys say why not just get a pump, but that’s not going to work for me. I’m a very sensual person. I need the emotional interaction. Actually holding someone, having them there, intimately. That’s been the issue for me. I want somebody who is not only into this, but also intellectually, morally, compatible with me.
T – Pretty much the same with any other aspect of sexuality. Take a guy who likes women in thigh boots or whatever it might be. It doesn’t really work unless you find someone who’s into the same thing – and also deeply in tune with you in a deeper and broader sense. Casual play or going to a sex worker just doesn’t touch the core, does it.
E – For me, lactation is an incredibly intimate thing that I would only ever want to share with a partner.